Treated my mental health and physical well-being to some good ol' artery-clogging Red-Blood American Red Meat. And by that I meant I got a huge burger at Checkers, a chili dog, and a soda. I'm trying to refrain from a bad habit I've formed in the last year and a half of eating my feelings and soothing with quick and easy fast food (in favor of home-cooked meals that are more fulfilling both emotionally and physically) but goddamn if a greasy cheeseburger at midnight isn't self-care occasionally. I tend to make myself goals and then feel bad for not making those goals, but I gotta remind myself that it's the same bullshit behind fads and trends that are just meant to keep you in check with guilt. It's not supposed to be a punishment, it's supposed to be both significant and small lifestyle changes that you can in fact deviate from without being a piece of shit. (And honestly I'm more stressed about the idea of wasted money than anything.)

Anyway this made me think about how I feel about eating meat in general. Overall I could probably give up red meats and be fine, and even stretch it to most or all poultry, and live off of fish or veggie proteins if I wanted to. I don't have any qualms about eating vegetarian or vegan because food is delicious no matter what if you know how to prepare it. The thing is, I'm lazy, and I don't really have an issue with eating meat. Could I kill an animal and eat it? Probably not. I'd probably have an easier time killing another human and eating them than I would with an animal, be they cat, pig, chicken, dog, or whatever. (I mean this in a scenario where I'm apocaypse-level literally starving to death, not Dahmering, by the way. Is joke!)

That thought train continues on to how I would always roll my eyes at self-described carnivores. I think that's more because it's like, oh I don't eat veggies, I only eat meat, ra ra red blooded carnivore. But no, you're an omnivore, and you're just choosing to have an imbalanced diet because it's easy. And if I'm being edgy since I always considered myself an outsider and quirky enough that I started equating and relating to being monstrous, which brought comfort. Really, if you're going to be a monster, be an all-consuming plague upon all life. Eat meat, and plants, and fungi, and consume all of it equally. Painting yourself as a meat eater lacks bite if you don't commit to the bit.